Originally published on Trigger Points Anthology on November 22, 2015 By Christina Baird.
Introducing Trigger Points Contributor Christina Baird, author of Breaking My Shell.
1. What was the most surprising thing about becoming a parent?
I was surprised to find out that I could be responsible. That I could handle the responsibility of protecting my child. I was also so surprised how PROTECTIVE I became over him. I was absolutely, positively “Mama Bear.”
2. Tell us about one of your proudest parenting moments.
Realizing that I could become a better human being because of Christopher. Working on myself for the benefit of my son is the greatest gift he has given me. He has shown me the possibility to be greater than I was the day before. He inspires me to be the greatest version of myself.
3. Was it difficult for you to participate in this project? What strength did you pull from to get past the fear and contribute?
It was difficult to confront my fears. I never wanted to hurt my baby; I always wanted him to be safe. After I had my son, I was afraid I would become my predator if I touched my baby in a wrong way. Writing about my fears helped me to see how far off I was in my self inflicted fears. I realized I am good for my son and he is good for me. I realized our purpose in this lifetime is patience, understanding, grace and ease when it comes to growing up for him, as well as myself.
4. Do you believe participating in this project has changed you in any way? If so, how?
Absolutely, there is ALWAYS a bigger picture, a bigger audience, a bigger participation. We are not and never will be alone. There is always someone going through the same stresses we are going through. I honestly believe it takes a village to make a difference in this lifetime. I am proud to be a part of this sphere of influential survivor writers.
5. What is the greatest lesson you have learned from your children?
I have learned humility from my son. I have learned that my own personal outbursts of projections get me nowhere. Listening and understanding is my ongoing lesson for this lifetime.
6. When you are not writing or parenting, what do you love to do?
I love running. I love accomplishing feats I once thought were impossible. Christopher is right there to push me along also.
I had used my story of my childhood for so long as a crutch to treat people poorly and to be a little tyrant for too long. When Christopher came along, that way of living stopped working for me. He held me accountable; I saw my tantrums through his eyes, through his reactions. Even though he couldn’t verbalize it, I could see him watching me and I wasn’t proud of what he was seeing.
Breaking My Shell
Christina Baird
Trigger Points: Abuse Survivors Experiences of Parenting
Bio:
Christina is the author of How Far Will I Run, a memoir which focuses on how she has made a conscious choice to be an asset to society despite her childhood traumas. Her passion for running is in alignment with how she lives her life in a day to day environment. Creating a space to always go a little bit farther, accomplishing feats that were once thought to be unattainable, she appears to continually train for life’s marathon. Her book is her journey as a committed student of compassion and growth, who loves and serves to the best of her ability.
In 2014, Christina became a Facilitator for the Darkness to Light Stewards of Children Training on a quest to bring child sexual abuse prevention trainings to her community. Christina works with local non-profits, organizations, religious affiliations and legislation to deter predators from harming today’s youth.
In 2015, Christina collaborated with other life-empowering survivors, who choose to break the cycle of childhood abuse and contributed to the book, Trigger Points: Abuse Survivors Experiences of Parenting.
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