I had the experience this last summer of denying myself the gift of Joy so that others would be more ‘comfortable’ in their life circumstance. It was like shutting down my own light, so others wouldn’t see their own fear. Consequently, I felt consumed by fear that instinctively I knew wasn’t my own. The more I tried to ignore it, and do the ‘socially right’ thing, the more I drowned in this fear.
It didn’t work out so well. However, we could say also that it worked out beautifully.
The common social paradigm, is one where the self is dependent on the emotional well being of others. It’s like saying…. ” I can’t enjoy my experience, my flow, unless everyone around me is happy and well in spirit.” In this, I found myself a bit paralyzed and confused.
The confusion came from trying to navigate a world whose foundation was built on fear and projections of neediness. It was simply impossible to navigate from a space of Love, because the fear didn’t want real love, it wanted security in the future. As if there was a chance that we might lose support and find ourselves alone in some distant tomorrow.
Trying to avoid aloneness, and cling to future expectations in which we demand others to always be there or show up in a certain way, is to miss what we really are. It is to also miss or not see the PROFOUND SUPPORT we are always with, regardless of how others flow in their Life.
All is Well; All the time.