Originally published on Poetry Festival on September 19, 2018 By Niki Bell.
I took the road less traveled by and sang my song…
“Take Me Home, Take Me Home”
Crescendos in the trees
They would call out my name
Protecting me
Gasping for air
In total shock
Unbelievable to the naked eye
“Take Me Home, Take Me Home”
I tapped into my crown
And tried to go within
Once again…
It wasn’t working
Please, “Take Me Home, Take Me Home”
I screamed in my head
This high pitched whining
The song haunted me
I could not fall asleep
Over thirty years of nightmares
Life NOT passing me by
Oh no, Oh no!
“Take Me Home, Take Me Home”
Crescendos bellowing in the wind
Sounds like murder
They said.
“Take Me Home, Take Me Home”
Even though the river stands tall
Mighty and strong
I will drown in it
“Take Me Home, Take Me Home”
Please, take me home
As I try to let go,
Nothing seems to go my way
As I clear out my voice,
my heart, my aching pains,
More just flood my memories,
“Take Me Home, Take Me Home”
I struggle to go within
Relax, it is okay
Nothing will console me
Oh, I can not breathe
As they enter my bedroom
And tell me…
All of them
STOP.
All the men
Past, and present.
All the men from a hopeless future.
Say to me, ‘STOP”.
My inner voice need no validation
Always thinking for herself.
From within comes this message,
Stop torturing yourself
You cannot come back
To destiny lost
You cannot come back to healed pain
You must move on
Let the rain be your sun
The moon stand on tiptoe
As you walk in light
Ask yourself for forgiveness
Live for today
“Take Me Home, Take Me Home”
I was born into a world of sexual violence
We coin it as sexual trafficking these days
The trauma in which I have had to overcome
In this lifetime
There is no rhyme or reason for such sanity (no that is not a typo)
My saving grace is knowing that I have, with my story,
Helped another… woman… another child…
To be free and begin their journey
As I walk through the valley of death
I am acutely aware of my own re-victimization of myself
I am fond of my survival skills
I seek no praise
I stopped hazing myself with fire, with hate
I began to scream a new kind of love
I shed a new shell
I take my power back every moment of the day
Regardless of poverty
Loneliness, or a lack of
I stand alone
A warrior of my own
A savior of my own story
A goddess of life, Diosa de Vida
A woman deserving
A human being bleeding
“Take Me Home, Take Me Home”
Goes back to that hole,
To that time
And there is no reason or rhyme
For such sanity.
Therefore, I will not go.
As I walk through the valley of death
I demand to be free
“Let Freedom Ring”
“Let Freedom Ring”
You will not “Take Me Home, Take Me Home”
I have never been whole
Only…
CONFLICTED.
Copyright © 2018 Niki Bell
