Originally posted on dontrunbabygirl.com on October 18, 2013
She said if I was meant to die he would’ve killed me
There must be a reason that I still breathe
I don’t have the tools to rebuild me
But I still believe that one day I could feel free
And my body can be mine again
My eyes can learn how to shine again
My inner child won’t have to hide and then
When I’m strong then love could be invited in
Sweet God that’s all I ask of thee
I’m willing to give what you demand of me
I’m learning to embrace the reality
That life doesn’t always turn out how it’s planned to be
I didn’t deserve what was handed me
Only one who can grant happiness is me
What it takes for her to face the day
I can only hope to be half that brave
-Brother Ali, “Babygirl”
Music is my closest connection to “God”. Throughout my life, I have attended countless church services, in chapels and cathedrals, from weddings to Christmas midnight masses…but for me, the most powerful “church service” happened in a club. When Brother Ali performed “Babygirl” right in front of me…well, that had to have been the most pivotal moment of my journey thus far, and it was the closest I had ever felt to “God”. It was a funeral service and a baptism rolled into one; the confirmation of the death of my childhood taken too soon, and the rebirth of a woman rising victorious.
October 19, 2013 will mark the one year anniversary of my Rebirth. I was blessed to not only attend the concert, but we shared a profound conversation afterwards. In the entrance of a packed club, surrounded by fellow Hip Hop heads, he pulled me into his big stature and he enveloped my small frame as I lost my composure, his arms holding me as I shed tears on his shirt, his silence creating space for me to grieve. I thanked him repeatedly, and told him that listening to “Babygirl” was my alternative to taking Ativan, and that it took two years for me to listen to the song in its entirety. I literally felt a weight of silence lifted off my back. Now I guess it’s natural to think “what a weird place to have that kind of moment!” because I have thought that too, but as I look back on it now, it makes perfect sense. I was surrounded by, and was in the Hip Hop element. My healing has brought me back to the Source, my First Love, Hip Hop.
